05 Feb
Evelyn COACHING, Neuroscience, Relationships, WELLNESS

Avoid Self Destructive Behaviour Starting Now

Avoid Self Destructive Behaviour Starting Now

Happiness may be a state of mind but for many people, it can be difficult to see the world with true mental clarity and this can obstruct the opportunity to be truly content and successful in life. If you’re guilty of self destructive behaviour or of self-sabotaging your opportunities, your thoughts and actions may be paramount. Often, your thoughts will have been shaped by lessons learned in life and through your personal experiences. Actions, thoughts and unhealthy behaviours can easily be formed without your even realising and they can affect every aspect of your life.

If you turn back the clock, you can see that when young, you relied on your parents and those closest to you to teach you the right way to think and act but the human experience is all about making errors and decisions and it’s a huge learning curve. Those around you may have been swayed by their own experiences- both good and bad resulting in less than healthy lessons being passed on. Perceptions are easily tainted. Worse, these perceptions can continue to distort. In essence, they turn into self destructive behaviour unless you learn to understand your thoughts and behaviours and clear your perception.

It’s easy to act to extremes. Some people struggle to cope with all of the obstacles in life, they react unhealthily to emotional turmoil instead of dealing with their pain, they turn to alcohol or drugs while others feel a need to rely on those around them, forming unhealthy co-dependent relationships. When there is an intrinsic need to seek approval, you only serve to lower your own self-esteem or confidence. When you try to please people, your actions are solely focussed on this action and it’s easy to lose your own identity. Remember that this is your life and others should not dictate the way you live it, handing over control means giving away your power.

Everyone has negative thoughts but do yours cause all sorts of self-doubts? It can be easy to listen to the never-ending mind chatter that takes place and often you may not be aware that these whispers are causing you to react irrationally. Consider whether you have ever acted impulsively because you have listened to your negative thoughts before understanding the true reality of a situation. You may have felt guilty and apologetic afterwards, but instead of living with regret, wouldn’t it be better to switch off these negative thoughts and learn to push them away before they do any damage?

Because life is constantly throwing obstacles in the way, you may feel a need to over -control your life and to hold on tightly to the reins, which will rule out a flexible approach and ensure you stick rigidly to your plan of action. The future will always be uncertain so when you try to control every element of your life, this will only cause your anxieties to increase. Try to take a step back and release the reins of control. If you don’t, you could miss out on some wonderful opportunities. Self destructive behaviour will hamper your life in every way, if you are determined to make changes, seek out the services of a life coach who can help you to understand why you act and feel the way that you do and help you to move forward with confidence determining what you want to achieve and giving you the tools to ensure your life is successful, balanced and positive.

Join us at the upcoming Wellness Retreat and explore you.

05 Jan
Evelyn COACHING, Relationships, WELLNESS No Comments

The Relationship merry-go-round

Life is complicated, but you probably know that already. Many of us grow up with the idea that falling in love is the most wonderful thing that can happen to us and it will make our lives complete. While for some people, the happy ending certainly does hold true, others struggle to maintain a relationship, attracting the wrong people. When this happens, we realise that an unhealthy relationship does not complete us, instead it causes our lives to fragment.

We often are attracted to the same types. This can be the underlying cause of all of the problems, but then, how can we be blamed for falling in love with the wrong person – again and again? Of course people look and seem different, but, underneath, certain character traits can be uncannily similar. Bad relationships will only dent your confidence and self-esteem can plummet as a result. Yet still we try to find that perfect other, the soul mate who will connect with us on an intrinsic level.

Take Linda who was unable to find herself in a healthy relationship. With a 7 year old son, she could see that her unhealthy love affairs were affecting him. Linda knew that she could not carry on in the same way, it was exhausting and depressing. But she was not sure how to change the way she approached relationships. Linda felt that she could not cope with any more emotional angst, because her son was also sharing the same myriad of emotions with her, and he was old enough to recognise her pain. They were so close that she knew she had to find a way to provide him with a more stable and loving childhood experience.

Linda eventually requested emotional coaching. Through her connection with her coach and with others who shared similar experiences, Linda began to see that her own muddled perspective of life and her own self-doubts were partly the reason why she attracted similar types and repeated a cycle of dating disasters. Once she started valuing herself again, she was able to see her way forward with much greater clarity. Eventually, Linda met a man who was genuine and open and warm in his approach to love and commitment, so, finally, she achieved the happiness she so desired for both her and her son.

This story is not uncommon. We can all learn from past events and errors in judgements. But some of us become stuck in a cycle of negative emotional trauma and we repeat this cycle over and over again. If this sounds familiar to you, it is important to understand that you are not making a conscious decision to do so, but rather you are choosing to allow your past experiences and limiting beliefs to effect your present and your future. It’s time to stop, and reflect and to seek professional guidance; sometimes the solution is that simple. When you have a new romantic someone, and they seem so familiar, you have to ask yourself whether there is a reason for that. Are you unconsciously picking up on some of those very traits that you need to avoid?

It can be difficult to get yourself back on the right path when you feel emotionally tired and hurt. Seeking coaching can be one of the most positive steps that you will ever take because it helps you to create new neural pathways and creating new patterns and embracing a whole new perspective. You are not alone in experiencing bad relationships but you don’t have to remain on the merry-go-round, you can stop it any time that you choose.

For more insights contact evelyn direct eo@evelyn.id.au

23 Dec
Evelyn COACHING, WELLNESS

Two little souls

Here I share with you a children’s parable about two little souls, this story has been around
for a very long time and interpreted by many in their own way –
this version is by Neale Donald Walshe
https://www.sapphyr.net/largegems/littlesoul-thesun.htm

Once upon no time, there was a little Soul

who said to God

“I know who I am.”

And God said, “That’s wonderful! Who are you?”

And the Little Soul shouted, “I’m the Light!”

God smiled a big smile. “That’s right!”
“You are the Light.”

The Little Soul was so happy, for it had figured out what all the souls
in the Kingdom were there to figure out.

“Wow,” said the Little Soul, “this is really cool!”



But soon, knowing who it was…. wasn’t enough.

The Little Soul felt stirrings inside, and now wanted to BE who it was.

And so the Little Soul went back to God and said,


“Hey, God! Now that I know Who I am, is it okay for me to BE it?”

And God said, “You mean you want to be…  Who You ARE Already?” 


“Well,” replied the Little Soul,” it’s one thing to know Who I Am,
and another thing to actually be it.
I want to feel what it’s like to be the Light!”


“But you already are the Light,” God repeated, smiling again.

“Yes, but I want to see what that feels like!” “Well,” said God, “I suppose I should have known.
You always were the adventuresome one.”

Then God’s expression changed. “There’s only one thing…”


“What?” asked the Little Soul.

“Well, there is nothing else but the Light. You see,
I created nothing but what you are; and so, there is no easy way
for you to experience yourself as Who You Are,
since there is nothing that you are not.”


“Huh?” said the Little Soul, who was now more than a little confused.

“Think of it this way,” said God. “You’re like a candle in the Sun.
And, you’re there all right. Along with a million, gazillion other candles who make up the Sun.
And the sun would not be the Sun without you.

The sun, would be a sun without one of its candles…
for it would not shine as brightly.

Yet, how might you know yourself as the Light
when you are amidst the Light – that is the question.”

and the Little Soul perked up & said. Well you’re God. Think of something!”

Once more God smiled. “I already have,”. “Since you cannot see
yourself as the Light when you are in the Light,
we’ll surround you with darkness.”


“What’s darkness?” the Little Soul asked.

God replied, “It is that which you are not.”


“Will I be afraid of the dark?” cried the Little Soul.

“Only if you choose to be. “There is nothing, really, to be afraid of,
unless you decide that there is. You see, we are making it all up.
We are pretending.”

”Oh,” and the Little Soul began to feel better already.

Then God explained, in order to experience anything at all,
the exact opposite of it will appear. “It is a great gift,”

Because without it, you could not know what anything is like.
You could not know Warm without Cold, Up without Down,
Fast without Slow. You could not know Left without Right,
Here without There, Now without Then.”

“And so,” God concluded, “when you are surrounded with darkness,
do not shake your fist and raise your voice and curse the darkness.
Rather be a Light unto the darkness, and don’t be mad about it.
Then you will know Who You Really Are, and ALL OTHERS will know, too.

Let your Light shine so that everyone will know how special you are!”


“You mean it’s okay to let others see how special I am?” asked the Little Soul.

“Of course!” “It’s very okay! But remember, ‘special’ does not mean ‘better.’
Everybody is special, each in their own way!
Yet many others have forgotten that.
They will see that it is okay for them to be special only
when you see that it’s okay for you to be special.”

“Wow,” said the Little Soul, dancing and laughing and jumping with joy.
“I can be as special as I want to be!””Yes, and you can start right now,”
said God, who was dancing and laughing right alongside the Little Soul.

“What part of special do you want to be?”


“What part of special?” the Little Soul repeated. “I don’t understand.”

“Well,” God explained, “being the Light is being special,
and being special has a lot of parts to it.

Its special to be kind. Its special to be gentle.
Its special to be creative. Its special to be patient.

Can you think of any other ways it is special to be?”



The Little Soul sat quietly for a moment.
“I can think of lots of ways to be special!
“Its special to be helpful. Its special to be sharing.
It is special to be friendly. It is special to be considerate of others!”

“Yes!” God agreed, “and you can be all of those things, or any part of special you
wish to be, at any moment. That’s what it means to be the Light.”

“I know what I want to be, I know what I want to be!” the Little Soul
announced with great excitement.

“I want to be the part of special called ‘forgiving’.
Isn’t it special to be forgiving?”

“Oh, yes,” God assured the Little Soul. “That is very special.”


“Okay That’s what I want to be then. I want to be forgiving.
I want to experience myself just that.”

“Good,” said God, “but there’s one thing you should know.” 


The Little Soul was becoming a bit impatient now.
It always seemed as though there were some complication.

“What is it?” the Little Soul sighed.

”There’s no one to forgive.”

“No one?” The Little Soul could hardly believe what had been said.


“No one!” God repeated. “Everything I have made is perfect.
There is not a single soul in all creation less perfect than you.
Look around you.”

It was then that the Little Soul realized a large crowd had gathered.
Souls had come from far and wide ~ from all over the Kingdom ~
for the word had gone forth that the Little Soul was having this
extraordinary conversation with God, and everyone wanted to hear
what they were saying.

Looking at the countless other souls gathered there, the Little Soul had to agree.
None appeared less wonderful, less magnificent, or less perfect than the Little Soul itself.
Such was the wonder of the souls gathered around, and so bright was their Light,
that the Little Soul could scarcely gaze upon them.
“Who, then, to forgive?” asked God.

“Boy, this is going to be no fun at all!” grumbled the Little Soul.

“I wanted to experience myself as One Who Forgives.

I wanted to know what that part of special felt like.”

And the Little Soul learned what it must feel like to be sad.

But just then a Friendly Soul stepped forward from the crowd. 



“Not to worry, Little Soul,” the Friendly Soul said, “I will help you.”

“You will?” the Little Soul brightened. “But what can you do?”


“Why, I can give you someone to forgive!”

“You can?”

”Certainly!” chirped the Friendly Soul.
“I can come into your next lifetime and do something for you to forgive.”

“But why? Why would you do that?” the Little Soul asked.

“You, who are a Being of such utter perfection!

You, who vibrate with such a speed that it creates a Light so bright
that I can hardly gaze upon you!
What could cause you to want to slow down your vibration to such a speed
that your bright Light would become dark and dense?

What could cause you ~ who are so light that you dance upon the stars and
move through the Kingdom with the speed of your thought–to come into my life
and make yourself so heavy that you could do this bad thing?”

“Simple,” the Friendly Soul said. “I would do it because I love you.”

The Little Soul seemed surprised at the answer.

“Don’t be so amazed,” said the Friendly Soul, “you have done the same thing for me.
Don’t you remember?

Oh, we have danced together, you and I, many times.

Through the eons and across all the ages have we danced.

Across all time and in many places have we played together.

You just don’t remember.” 

”We have both been All Of It.

We have been the Up and the Down of it, the Left and the Right of it.

We have been the Here and the There of it, the Now and the Then of it.

We have been the male and the female, the good and the bad;

we have both been the victim and the villain of it.”

“Thus have we come together, you and I, many times before;
each bringing to the other the exact and perfect opportunity to
Express and to Experience Who We Really Are.

And so,” the Friendly Soul explained further,
“I will come into your next lifetime and be the ‘bad one’ this time.
I will do something really terrible, and then you can
experience yourself as the One Who Forgives. 



“But what will you do?” the Little Soul asked, just a little nervously,
what will you do “that will be so terrible?”

“Oh,” replied the Friendly Soul with a twinkle, “we’ll think of something.”

Then the Friendly Soul seemed to turn serious, and said in a quiet voice,
“You are right about one thing, you know.” 


“What’s that?” the Little Soul wanted to know.

“I will have to slow down my vibration and become very heavy
to do this not-so-nice thing. I will have to pretend to be something
very unlike myself. And so, I have but ONE FAVOUR to ask of you in return.”

“Oh, anything, anything!” cried the Little Soul, and began to dance and sing,
“I get to be forgiving, I get to be forgiving!”

Then the Little Soul saw that the Friendly Soul was remaining very quiet.

“What is it?” the Little Soul asked. “What can I do for you?

You are such an angel to be willing to do this for me!”


“Of course this Friendly Soul is an angel!” God interrupted.
“Everyone is! Always remember: I have sent you nothing but angels.”

And so the Little Soul wanted more than ever to grant the Friendly Soul’s request.
“What can I do for you?” the Little Soul asked again.


”In the moment that I strike you and smite you,”
 “in the moment that I do the worst to you that you could possible imagine
~ in that very moment…”

“Yes?” the Little Soul interrupted, “yes…?

“Remember Who I Really Am.”

“Oh, I will!” cried the Little Soul, “I promise!
I will always remember you as I see you right here, right now!” 


”Good,” said the Friendly Soul, “because, you see,
I will have been pretending so hard, I will have forgotten myself.

And if you do not remember me as I really am,
I may not be able to remember for a very long time.
And if I forget Who I Am, you may even forget Who You Are,
and we will both be lost. Then we will need another soul
to come along and remind us both of Who We Are.”

“No, we won’t!” the Little Soul promised again.
“I will remember you! And I will thank you for bringing me this gift ~
the chance to experience myself as Who I Am.


” And so, the agreement was made.

And the Little Soul went forth into a new lifetime,
excited to be the Light, which was very special,
and excited to be that part of special … called Forgiveness.

And the Little Soul waited anxiously
to be able to experience itself as Forgiveness,
and to thank whatever other soul made it possible.

And at all the moments in that new lifetime,
whenever a new soul appeared on the scene,
whether that new soul brought joy or sadness–
and especially if it brought sadness–
the Little Soul thought of what God had said.

“Always remember, “I have sent you nothing but angels

Copyright © 2022 Evelyn Olivares, All Rights Reserved.