11 Mar
Evelyn COACHING, Relationships, WELLNESS

Crisis Management – Tap into Your Inner Strength Reserves

Crisis Management – Tap into Your Inner Strength Reserves

When life starts to go a little wrong, you can guarantee that there will be multiple stressors thrown into the mix all set to confuse and complicate the situation a little more. This is when it’s important to be able to retain your self-belief and to tap into your inner strength. But what happens when your inner strength is feeling weakened by a situation and fatigue and nervous energy starts to set in?

Although a crisis can seem very personal and it is possible to feel as if you are slipping into a black hole of despair, it’s important to note that every day people are all under pressure and feeling threatened or overwhelmed by a change in their circumstances too. Like them, you have to dig deep to find the power inside you to resolve any issues. Knowing that others share similar battles to change their lives may eradicate feelings of isolation but there is much that can be done to improve inner strength. Deep down you have to tap into your integral survival instincts and to adopt the realisation that you are able to transform your life irrespective of any situation – no matter how difficult.

Whatever the crisis – grief, relationship loss or redundancies etc, it’s important to focus beyond the current situation, not so as to bypass the feelings of the moment but to know that you are bigger than this moment. This gives you hope and the realisation that this is all just one part of the journey. Life does not stand still and eventually, in time, you will have progressed through the situation and have emerged out the other side – smarter, stronger and more emotionally aware.

During any crisis, don’t be afraid to seek out support from loyal friends and family members who will be there for you – if only to listen. Ask them for encouragement and for their understanding. Having caring individuals around you will naturally increase your sense of self irrespective of the situation and with support comes solutions.

Acceptance forms a big part of understanding, coping with and moving forward from any crisis and this forms an integral part of your inner strength and coping mechanism too. Fatigue often occurs when there is a crisis so it’s a good idea to spend time nurturing your self – go for a walk and clear the cobwebs from your mind. Or just find a quiet beauty spot and sit and contemplate nature and all that is life. Find the time to discover more about you as this will strengthen your self-belief,  try out The Enneagram as this will help you to discover your core attributes – useful at any time but even more so during times of stress when you need to cultivate your inner strength.

Life is a myriad of ups and downs and it is impossible to live without experiencing life fully – this means facing the good and bad times with equal resolve. Remember that the down times make the joys of life all the more vibrant and providing you can believe in your inner strength and power inside you, you will know that you can ride the fluctuating tides of life and survive any crisis.

Join us at the upcoming Wellness Retreat or contact us if you have more questions

07 Mar
Evelyn COACHING, Neuroscience, Relationships, WELLNESS

Emotional Intimacy – Lower the Barriers

Emotional Intimacy – Lower the Barriers

It’s part of the human condition to need to forge deep connections with someone who is special. It’s a deeply rooted desire that drives us to continue searching for love even when we encounter those that are not worthy of our affections. Emotional intimacy is even more powerful than physical intimacy; it’s the energy that binds two people together and provides them with that intensely satisfying sense of well-being. It’s a connection that overcomes all other temptations.

As much as we strive for love, the pain of lost love and heartbreak can overshadow the prospect of a healthy, nurturing love. Instead of being able to accept that life is transient and that sometimes people enter our lives at a time when we are emotionally ready for them, we try to hold on to them or we reject them not fully understanding that they play an important part in our lives at that time. Eventually, if and when the connection is broken, they leave an element of that experience with us.

We carry baggage from one relationship to the next. Depending on our success in love and in relationships generally, we start to form opinions of new potential relationships against the pain of lost loves. Many people live in fear of being naturally open and loving in a new relationship because fear of emotional pain cripples their potential to be free and open going forward.

Closing down all emotions, trapping any previous hurts inside and freezing up any feelings of love will only serve for one purpose, to keep you feeling isolated and to shut out those in life who may add positive experiences to the collection. If you have emotional intimacy issues, it can make you unable to project your own feelings of love.

Take Amanda. Entering her later 30’s, she suddenly realised that she had never had a deeply fulfilling relationship, not even during her marriage of 5 years when she was in her 20’s. Boyfriends had come and gone since then and she felt the loss of each and every one of them, desperate for a relationship that was emotionally pure. Amanda took the decision to have relationship coaching recognising that something was preventing her from truly connecting with those she cared for. It soon became apparent that her experiences had created a powerful inner fear that had started when she had discovered her husband’s unfaithfulness. This caused deep emotional intimacy problems for her. The marriage break-up had been devastating but she had never really dealt with those feelings of betrayal and subconsciously, wouldn’t let anyone close afterwards.

Relationship coaching helped Amanda. As time when on, creating intimacy no longer became an issue. She learned to lower the barriers and to fully overcome her emotional intimacy problems.

Life and love is complex. It’s important to remember that barriers do not stop you from becoming hurt; rather they provide you only with the greater potential to remain alone. Only when you become truly balanced with your own experiences and emotions will you be able to open up to the right person and allow them to become a positive addition to your life.

Join us at the upcoming Wellness Retreat or contact us if you have more questions

03 Mar
Evelyn COACHING, LEADERSHIP, Neuroscience, WELLNESS

How to Get Motivated for Work

How to Get Motivated for Work

When you are stuck in a rut work-wise, the last thing you may want to know is how to get motivated at work. You may be hoping to simply finish work dead on time and to not have to go back – ever. We all have times when we suffer from a distinct lack of motivation for our day to day jobs, sometimes we hate the work we do, at other times we feel stifled by the lack of development opportunities. Perhaps we feel that we deserve a higher paid job, a more satisfying or even demanding role or, we just have a dream job in mind.

Action is usually the way forward but sometimes, we can learn a lot by simply standing still and looking around the work-place. We can see how others fare and those departments that seem to retain their employees. We can learn a lot by studying the management team, noting those decisive individuals who make fast paced decisions without even blinking an eye.  There will be others who have earned the respect of their teams by working hard and leading by example. There may be some who in your eyes should not be within the management team; perhaps they lack some of the more important skills.

You may not wish to be in your current role but if you can learn while you earn through watching others, then you will naturally gravitate towards a more senior role just by opening up your awareness. It may be hard to boost motivation, but try to tap into the various motivation techniques that are available and stay positive.

Motivation can start the night before. If you plan your day, mapping out all of the important tasks you will feel more in control of yourself in a professional capacity, if you have a team to delegate to, then sort out those tasks that can be passed on, if you want to learn a new skill set, write this at the top of the list to remind you to do so. When you feel stale at work, it’s easy to become unresponsive and unwilling to do more than is absolutely necessary, but the opposite works in terms of motivation and if you get stuck in, work hard and plan your progression, your focus will be renewed and you will start to enjoy your work more.

Learning how to get motivated on a personal level may take time. You may feel negative about your job situation and dread the alarm going off in the morning. If you are not sleeping well or are anxious, you need to tackle that situation first. Getting a good night’s sleep will enable you to cope with the day ahead much more efficiently. Fall asleep by implanting positive thoughts about your future career. See yourself in your chosen line of work, visualise yourself receiving a healthy pay check, or earning that coveted promotion.

When you wake up in the morning, take time to review your plan. Set each task in stone in your mind, and commit yourself to achieving everything that is on your list. Congratulate yourself when you complete all of your workload satisfactorily.

If you have problems at work, face them head on don’t let the situation fester. If you feel overlooked and unappreciated, have a word with your line manager, be professional and explain that you are ready for more responsibility. Prove to them that you are good at your job. Ask for training or coaching, or take personal responsibility for your own career development and organise some high-end business training for yourself.

If you want to learn how to get motivated at work, ask yourself what do you really want to achieve? Once you know your future goals, consider the basic needs so that you can achieve the role of your choice, you will find motivation comes thick and fast when you start the ball rolling.

Join us at the upcoming Wellness Retreat or contact us if you have more questions

01 Mar
Evelyn COACHING, LEADERSHIP, Relationships, WELLNESS

Career Development – Don’t get stuck in a rut

Career Development – Don’t Get Stuck in a Rut

If you are passionate about your career and have your sights set firmly on promotion, it can be incredibly frustrating when you are over-looked and you fail to get that dream job.  Career development these days can be difficult, depending on the company you work for. But there can be a number of reasons as to why this might happen.  Firstly, are you uniquely qualified for the position?  Was there someone else being interviewed who had even more experience within a similar role?  Did you sell yourself sufficiently at the interview?

If you are bored within your own role, but unable to get the job you really want, then you need to start questioning why before you get stuck in a career rut.  It’s true that businesses have been greatly affected by the recent COVID and financial stress, and so employers are much more careful as to whom they employ or promote. The reason you were overlooked might not have anything to do with your ability. 

Sometimes businesses are guilty of holding people back, you can become too valuable in a certain role to be released, in a way, it is a kind of back-handed compliment, but of course this is no good for you.  Sometimes you may be overlooked because you are good, but not dynamic within the role.  Equally, you may not know the right people, those who could pull a few strings and at least get you that all-important interview.  But consider if your work record speaks favourably for you?  Have you taken numerous sick leave?  Do you get into work on time?

These are all things that would be considered by management and the Human Resources department,  and this takes place long before you even get to interview stage. You can take your career development into your own hands because there are lots of things that you can do that will highlight your desire for promotion.  First, seriously consider your career choices. What do you really want to do? Once you have this clear in your mind, talk to your manager and explain that you are ready for more responsibilities and that you are looking for promotion in the short or long term.

Depending on the outcome of this conversation, you can always go to your Human Resources department, and discuss the situation with them.  They will certainly know of any vacancies that may be coming along and ones that might potentially suit you.  If you made it to an interview but did not get the job, don’t be afraid to ask them why.  They may not like being put on the spot, but it is part of their role to help with employee development.  At least once you know, you can start considering your options.

Any information that you are given should be taken in a positive manner.  If you sounded too shy, uncertain, or perhaps did not ask enough questions during the interview, these are all very easy things to overcome in the future.  For complete development, there are some amazing career couches out there and professional workshops available that will help you to transform your life. Success is not handed out on a plate; you have to ask for help and work on overcoming your own areas of weakness and make them developmental strengths. Take control of your own career development and reach out to those who can provide you with the techniques to help you succeed.

Join us at the upcoming Wellness Retreat or contact us if you have more questions

01 Mar
Evelyn COACHING, Relationships, WELLNESS

Healing From Bitterness and Resentment

Healing from Bitterness and Resentment

Have you ever felt trapped and helpless within a relationship? Do you feel depressed and unloved most days? You may feel isolated, caught up within a vortex of emotions and unable to reach out to communicate with your partner. Emotionally abusive relationships have immense, destructive powers; they have the ability to overwhelm and to make you feel undervalued. When the power within the relationship is unevenly balanced, you will need to seriously consider your options before healing can even begin.

When you become caught up in a relationship centred on emotional abuse and negativity, your life will very quickly spiral out of control. Some people are driven by the need to have control of others, they may not even do this consciously, but they are compelled to do so by their past experiences, their inability to succeed within relationships and possibly by past rejections. Whether it is a conscious or subconscious motive, their actions can be cruel. Your need to seek approval within the relationship may increase dramatically.

At times you may experience strong emotions of hate and bitterness, and at other times, may find yourself so desperately in love that it threatens to become all-consuming. If you are reading thus far and it strikes a chord, you may well recognise the signs. When you are so in love, you want to shower your partner with affection and to make them feel happy and secure. It is possible to be too loving, too dependent on your partner’s approval. Early signs often dictate a slippery slope to a very one-sided connection, where one partner has all of the control and the other starts to feel their own sense of self-worth slipping away.

Take Cindy. She was in a marriage for almost twenty years. During that time, promises that were made to her were often broken, and life became a trial of emotional abuse. She felt unloved, unwanted, and totally worthless. She would spend hours locked away in her room, desperately unhappy. She couldn’t talk to her husband about her feelings because he got angry.

Eventually, her own anger inwardly started to develop. She blamed him for making her feel so inadequate. Bitterness, tinged with depression was a heady cocktail that kept her trapped within her own isolation. Cindy felt hurt and betrayed by his lack of love towards her. How could he promise so much and then give so little? In her feelings of insecurity and low confidence she caught the voices in her head saying, he created these feeling in me and yet he still seemed unhappy.

Gradually Cindy found herself getting out of the house, walking for miles, embracing the beautiful scenery around her. This became a daily ritual and through the intense beauty of nature, she started to experience her own sense of solace learning that being on her own was not so bad. Through hours of reflection, analysing the past, she realised that somehow, without meaning to, she had given him her power and that she had to take some responsibility for the way she was feeling. Gradually Cindy began her own inner healing through her need for change.

In Neuro Linguistic Programming terms, everyone has their own ‘a map of the world’ which simply records each individuals journey of experiences to date. This map is unique, based upon your own perceptions enabling you to make conscious decisions. But, depending on those experiences, the map of the world may not always enable you to view life with great clarity. Sometimes you may think you know someone and yet your perception is fragmented. At times, through the trauma of emotional or physical relationships or through any type of emotional pain, resentment can occur and the map can become tainted often with false impressions gleaned by your understanding of how to react to life’s events. NLP is a resource that can help to change behaviours and thought processes so that each map can develop and change as the person grows.

Relationships are not always easy, but if you hand over your personal power so readily, you render yourself power-less, you must assume responsibility. When you forgive yourself and others, you start to heal and you learn a valuable lesson that life is not always as it seems to be and neither are people. Cindy learned to re-generate her own power and to move away from an abusive, intolerant relationship that kept her trapped for the best part of 20 years. You can make valuable changes to empower your own life too.

Join us at the upcoming Wellness Retreat or contact us if you have more questions

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