05 Jan

Life is complicated, but you probably know that already. Many of us grow up with the idea that falling in love is the most wonderful thing that can happen to us and it will make our lives complete. While for some people, the happy ending certainly does hold true, others struggle to maintain a relationship, attracting the wrong people. When this happens, we realise that an unhealthy relationship does not complete us, instead it causes our lives to fragment.

We often are attracted to the same types. This can be the underlying cause of all of the problems, but then, how can we be blamed for falling in love with the wrong person – again and again? Of course people look and seem different, but, underneath, certain character traits can be uncannily similar. Bad relationships will only dent your confidence and self-esteem can plummet as a result. Yet still we try to find that perfect other, the soul mate who will connect with us on an intrinsic level.

Take Linda who was unable to find herself in a healthy relationship. With a 7 year old son, she could see that her unhealthy love affairs were affecting him. Linda knew that she could not carry on in the same way, it was exhausting and depressing. But she was not sure how to change the way she approached relationships. Linda felt that she could not cope with any more emotional angst, because her son was also sharing the same myriad of emotions with her, and he was old enough to recognise her pain. They were so close that she knew she had to find a way to provide him with a more stable and loving childhood experience.

Linda eventually requested emotional coaching. Through her connection with her coach and with others who shared similar experiences, Linda began to see that her own muddled perspective of life and her own self-doubts were partly the reason why she attracted similar types and repeated a cycle of dating disasters. Once she started valuing herself again, she was able to see her way forward with much greater clarity. Eventually, Linda met a man who was genuine and open and warm in his approach to love and commitment, so, finally, she achieved the happiness she so desired for both her and her son.

This story is not uncommon. We can all learn from past events and errors in judgements. But some of us become stuck in a cycle of negative emotional trauma and we repeat this cycle over and over again. If this sounds familiar to you, it is important to understand that you are not making a conscious decision to do so, but rather you are choosing to allow your past experiences and limiting beliefs to effect your present and your future. It’s time to stop, and reflect and to seek professional guidance; sometimes the solution is that simple. When you have a new romantic someone, and they seem so familiar, you have to ask yourself whether there is a reason for that. Are you unconsciously picking up on some of those very traits that you need to avoid?

It can be difficult to get yourself back on the right path when you feel emotionally tired and hurt. Seeking coaching can be one of the most positive steps that you will ever take because it helps you to create new neural pathways and creating new patterns and embracing a whole new perspective. You are not alone in experiencing bad relationships but you don’t have to remain on the merry-go-round, you can stop it any time that you choose.

For more insights contact evelyn direct eo@evelyn.id.au

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